Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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