anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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