Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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