I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I stole a fireplace last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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