Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
