also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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