Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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