my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
