It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
