I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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