my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
