we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize