I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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