South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
