Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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