How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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