four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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