Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
