i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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