Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
