why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
