Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
