ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
