Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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