I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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