He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
