Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
