I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
