He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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