Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
