If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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