just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
