I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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