Umm I'm too high to move.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
