i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
