FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
