you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
