I'm jealous of your bromance
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
