i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
