Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
