Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
