Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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