do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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