Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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