you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
