Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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