I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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