i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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