oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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