you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can I color on your dick again?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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