have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You were trust falling into bushes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
