Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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