I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
