goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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