i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
