I CAN MOONWALK!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How external is "for external use only"?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
