On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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