from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
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Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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