I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
