Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it was like eating out sand paper
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
