i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
