we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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