She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
