Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
