I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
