drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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