So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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