beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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