we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
