I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
