i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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