I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
