dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
