I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
