whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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