I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
