my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
