third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
