Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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