i was born a porn star she said
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
