Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
