WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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