you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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