Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
...so i touched it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
