yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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