she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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