totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
