mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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