I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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