I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
