rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
