he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
