He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
