Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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